Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I don't want to say Goodbye (AKA SUPER realization!)

I learned something HUGE about myself today in Meisner class. I am shy and standoffish because I don’t want to let people in. If I let people in, I could get hurt and especially when it’s a program that’s this short I could invariable have to say goodbye. I don’t like saying goodbye. I am not shy when the expectation of goodbye is not there. Or when I’ve let it go. I’m coming to the end of this program wishing I knew the people here better. I feel like I wish I had just jumped in. The reason I didn’t jump in (and at the time I had decided it was because people didn’t like me) was because I was TERRIFIED of this moment – 3 days to leaving and being sad. I don’t want to miss people. I don’t want to be attached. I am extremely sensitive and I don’t want to wait for your call and never get it. However, I went thru most of the semester closed off, supposedly ‘protecting’ myself and guess what? I have friends and I’m sad about missing them.

Well whaddya know, Holmes? The Universe has got me again!

Should you choose to go, do, and be, Holland, at the end of your life, shocked and dismayed, you'll likely exclaim that because of all the uncanny events, wild timing, weird coincidences, and sheer chance encounters, all of your life's good fortune must have been your destiny.

Or, should you choose to wait, wish, and hope, at the end of your life, shocked and dismayed, you'll likely exclaim that because of all the uncanny events, wild timing, weird coincidences, and sheer chance encounters, all of your life's bad luck must have been your destiny.

Holland, do you see what the difference is?

It ain't me,
 The Universe

2 comments:

  1. yes!!!!
    glad you are on this path...have been here myself, and know EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE SAYING!!! keep those thoughts high in your heart.
    luv
    dada

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