Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Put down your camera, this is your LIFE!

It's got nothing to do with being a perfect, goody-goody, selfless, sacrificing, spiritual saint, Holland. Blah! That whole characterization was meant for a different audience at a different time, and they really had issues.

It's got everything to do with being yourself, trusting the magic, following your heart, dreaming big, and having fun.

Hosanna in the highest, 
 The Universe


Sitting on the plane, on my way back to Prague – that Old Crone, that silly city, that home for parties and good beer, that place I wanted to run from initially and the place that I now am running from Rome to rejoin with, happily (poor grammar, I know. First person to fiz it WINS. Hope? Kyle?)

I mean, I can’t believe it. Around this time 2 months ago [or even, say, a month ago] I was crying everyday. In out, up down, all around and I was just wishing I had done this or that better because I thought that was the answer to happiness, as I’m finding in this moment (no forevers, kids) is to simply be IN. THIS. MOMENT. NOW. Happy, sad, loving, breathing, analyzing, creating, EXPERIENCING.

My career is based on being someone who has experience and boy, have I done that! And it’s not over.
I am watching street after street, building after building of beauty and wealth – immense and ridiculous wealth. I know that next semester I will experience a whole new and different world of “without.”

And we are still not different. Maybe I’ll change my mind next semester but I truly believe we people are similar in many ways and KARMA is real. It’ll kick you in the butt sometimes suddenly and sometimes a long time after you’ve taken a certain actions. Especially when speaking thought to action. What I mean is, every action begins with you. You think something, you feel something, you say something and it becomes Truth. We are more powerful than we believe.

It’s like in Musical Theater: every piece is one step bigger than the last and each builds on the last: when speaking isn’t enough, you sing. When singing isn’t enough, you dance. I mean, I would put them in the order of speak-dance-sing, but there’s no real textual evidence for that anywhere.

Musings From Above:

...Naturally occurring bodies are not used often but we know them.
How do we reconcile art and life?
Is one separate from the other?

I will miss this feeling. So sure of everything because so uninhibited.
And young...

Thinking brand new thoughts that you've never thought before, Holland, is wildly more conducive to creating big life changes than just thinking different varieties of the same old thoughts. -The Universe

Monday, November 16, 2009

Roma is UnReal...a!

"3 days in Rome, where did it go, I'll always remember 3 days in Rome" - Sheryl Crow, THE BOOK.

QUOTE OF THE WEEKEND: "...oh. It's a Cultural thing." (HRH)

I'm so glad I went because Rome was not the place I think of when I think of Italy but it was SO perfect. I'm still having trouble believing I ACTUALLY went to Italy - the place I've been dying to go to since I was very young! It's been a long time coming and now I've really done it! I can't imagine what it's gonna be like with South Africa. I might cry. While I realized that, essentially, European cities are very similar (specifically similar to NYC) and while I was so excited to learn that I live in a place among the greats...I also think that every city (and town) has their own special things/moments and I was fortunate enough to be traveling with two girls who were up for attempting to see ALL the great stuff in Rome. We didn't see everything I'm sure but what we did see was SO great!!!! Plus, we had time to wander as well! The food was even beyond my expectations, the wine was as smooth as grape juice ('nothing like drinking it from the source!' -dad), I turned my back to the Trevi Fountain, threw in a coin and made a wish to come back to Rome (also sand from Little Mermaid at the top of my lungs, wherein an Italian man originally from northern AFRICA told me he was in love with me and wanted to take me to the Pantheon), I learned about SPQR and how all roads lead to Rome, I even caught the changing of the guard right before I left on Sunday night!!!!! There were so many great moments and I'm so happy I went so that I was able to come back to Prague refreshed and ready to go back to the good ol' Crown!!!!

Great Synagogue

For the first time I felt a connection to the Jewish culture because it is a culture. That is what connects people to the faith. A woman on the tour (her name, I learned later, was Marina Goldberg and she’s an artist in Tsfat. She said I should come visit her if I’m ever in the area!) who had been given money, food and shelter from Rome after moving with two kids was “coming back to say thank you.” I thought that was so beautiful because that’s exactly what I thought I was doing. Coming to say thank you to a city and especially to a country that has meant so much to me in all aspects of my life and my culture. Thank you to the people who worked so hard at creating and then restoring and continuously restoring this temple so that Jews will have a safe place to be. That’s what synagogues are for all over the world – a place of safety. Jews can walk into a synagogue anywhere and be safe. I’d like to amend that statement to say that anyone with peace in their heart can be safe in a temple. It is a place of Love, Peace and Shelter.

The Sistine Chapel at The Vatican (Museum)

BLEW MY MOTHAFUCKIN’ MIND and yet it was so much more elaborate than the temple and many temples aren’t in tact all over the world when chapels and churches are. It was such a diverse contrast and I thought it was such an interesting piece of living, breathing history. It inspired me so much to be an artist in that space. “WE ARE SO FORTUNATE,” as Samantha kept saying.

Staring up at The Hands and all the other stories that were depicted on the walls…and ceilings…and floors…and windows…

it all felt so circular. It was like the song, The Story Goes on because I could see where I am now as an artist relating to those who came before me and all the artists to come after me.

After visiting the Sistine Chapel I have a renewed interest in History, specifically (you guested it!) Art History and Theater History. Standing inside, I got this overwhelming feeling that I was a part of something so much bigger (Greater) than I could ever imagine. As an artist, I am a part of something that dates back...WAYYYYYYY back to before I can even fathom time existing. I am a part of that and it doesn't really matter what films I'm cast in or who does/n't like me. It's about adoring my art and taking part in something that is so important to the world.

The Coliseum, The Forum and the last snipits of Roma!

Whereas at the Vatican I realized the importance of the Creation of art, at the Coliseum I realized the importance of THE MUSE. I think the pictures really tell the story with this one because I just had so much fun pretending to be in Coliseum times and acting out fights and muse poses, etc. I was so spiritually tickled by the idea that I could play in one of the oldest ‘playing grounds’ that exist today. I was also really excited by the fact that that was EXACTLY what I wanted to do. I always say, “well, I’m not really an actor, it’s something I enjoy but I could never really do it.” Mmmm…guess what Holland? You LOVE to PLAY! Visiting the Coliseum and also walking around the other Roman Ruins and even traipsing around the city while getting back to the hostel made me realize that I haven’t lost that sense of fun, it’s just been burid by adult skepticism and perfectionism. But I’m still that 4 year old Holland acting out fully staged productions of Beauty and the Beast in my living room. I’m still the 6 year old Holland singing the words “gastronomic wonder” perfectly in her temple choir for an audience of at least 100 in the park for Chanukah. I’m still the 9/10 year old Holland singing “Mommy is a Mermaid” at the White House. I’m still the screaming 14 year Holland on the set of Sex and the City. I’m still the 20 year old running around Europe wishing to get up on stage and sing her heart out but learning how to create character on screen and learning so much about herself in the process.

And what’s great is, the moment I let go (and I did let go on many things and my body has shown it by having my period and finally getting sick lolz), I got two calls for auditions for project 4s, which isn't the best in terms of knowing that I have parts but it IS what I've been complaining about forever which is I want the chance to show my stuff and know that I did the best I could. I want know that I was 'in the running,' know that I had SOME control/know that I put myself out and someone decided based on what I could give!

Subsequently, I have been cast in several other projects. Projects that truly excite me and will give me a fantastic chance to take risks and show off what I love about acting: PLAYING.

I just keep thanking the Universe for all of these great things because what better to do in a place of complete High but to say THANK YOU????

I have to say a special thank you to my aunt Rachel, though. In many ways the bracelet you gave me has truly pushed me forward in times of despair here. I have a physical reminder of a very important principle on my left wrist: THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS…CHOOSE THE GOOD ONES!

LOVE!!!! <3